Sunday, 19 January 2014

EXCLUSIVE: Tory Youth Leader Hopeful Seeks Support With Massive Pledge.


CONSERVATIVE FUTURE (CF) National Chairman wannabe Matthew Wilson is to set up an exploratory committee to see if there is any possibility of a sensational victory over his fellow CF colleagues & rivals, TBG can reveal.

TBG caught up with Wilson after he gained 2.8% support in a recent poll on CF national chairman voting intentions and asked him if he was surprised by even featuring in the poll.

"No. In fact the recent poll that put my position as a contender to become the next Conservative Future Chair at 2.8% has made me think about the possibilities of becoming a prominent CF Chairman.

"I believe that we face tough and gruelling challenges in the future, we will have to confront the scarcity of originality in CF and of course we will need to create more rhetoric, so much more that even Grant Shapps will turn around and say that we are too party political."

TBG can exclusively reveal five development policies & pledges from the Matthew Wilson camp.
  • Stop all natural disasters, sexual harassment and everything evil in the world so Tara Hewitt can't make political gain out of it
  • All the national executive meetings need to be denim on denim
  • Have a competition to draw a CF mascot - including a 'Blue Gorilla' suit
  • Elected First Lady    
  • To actually have a Christmas party, at Christmas

Wilson went on to confirm his campaign committee - "Taking it all into consideration, I have created my very own exploratory committee to see if there is a hunger for a Matthew Wilson for CF Chair' campaign.
"This 2.8% that I obtained from the poll, which is effectively 9 people and a Siberian Husky that voted for me, has given me the boost to start exploring the realms of a possible campaign. 

"I mean, 18.1% of the poll said that they wouldn’t vote for the people that were suggested, they don’t know me, they don’t know my story. If they knew that I was nurtured by a pack of wolves then they would realise that I could be a good Chairman.

"I think I can take on Colonel Cooper and his fried chicken army.

"Up to now, I have a Petri dish of alga, a mountain biker and a part-time office cleaner sitting on my committee and I am of course looking for more people."

Would you like to take part in 'CF on Sunday'? Email;


Anonymous said...

That boy talks utter rubbish. Then again most of CF do.

Anonymous said...

Haha this is hilarious!

Anonymous said...

It's nonsense like this that gets CF a bad reputation, Wilson should grow up. #pathetic

Anonymous said...

#notzemlik #weak

Darling said...

LOL at the Tara Hewitt one.

Anonymous said...

Good luck Matthew.
He may be young but has very wise sensible contribution to make.Would be short sighted to dismiss out of hand.
As for tara Hewitt,shes out of control and damaging to the Party.only interested in herself and feeding her Egotistical Ego

Anonymous said...

Someone needs to devise policy that enables having a Christmas party at least once every month.

Anonymous said...

Labour Youth will back you on anything to stop the Tara Hewitt juggernaut. Believe me!


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