Friday, 3 January 2014

UKIP Councillor in Homophobic Sex Scandal Shocker.



A UKIP Councillor has admitted publicly that he has a sex life in a sensational turn of events. An admission which is sure to make his UKIP colleagues very jealous.

The unlikely scenario apparently came about with the help of a married woman, according to ThingsElliottSays. Councillor Samuel Fletcher denies committing adultery, claiming - "It was her decision."

The UKIP Cllr for Keighley also sensationally revealed he was "not homosexual or bi-sexual" and "did not want to think about queers". The UKIP Councillor described "queer people" as "strange". Which may be a literal interpretation of the word 'queer', but many will think he meant something else entirely.

7 comments:

Samuel Fletcher's Trousers said...

I can't confirm or deny what happened, this was the one time Samuel did not need me.

Robert Winfield's Lovechild said...

You have done well, my young apprentice

UKIP HQ said...

Ironic that only Samuel's trousers with their specially reinforced seat could withstand a shitstorm of this magnitude, pity he'd thrown them away in a fit of passion. Gawain will have to see how much he can mop up with his ostentatious but surprisingly absorbent cravat.

Gawain Towler's Inner Monologue said...

JESUS CHRIST SAMUEL, NOT AGAIN!

Sam's Dty Cleaner said...

Hello Samuel, my old friend,
I'll clean your trousers once again,
Because your faeces is softly creeping,
A bar man in Brussels is still weeping,
But unfortunately for your trousers the stain,
Still remains
As does the sound of shitting.

Day and night I scrubbed alone
Rubbing away with a groan,
Suddenly my hands started to cramp,
But the trousers still smelt heavily of tramp
When my nose was stabbed by the stench of
Your trouser blight
It just wasn’t right
And I heard the sound of shitting

And then your naked form I saw
Releasing shit onto the floor
Your rectum just would not stop leaking,
And the smell would not stop reeking,
You stood there shitting with your balding hair
And not a care
About the sound of shitting.

Fool said i, you do not know
How to stop your steaming flow
Hear my words that I might teach you,
How to clean yourself of all this poo.
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of shitting

And many people bowed and prayed
To the neon Fecal you made.
And your rectum expelled without warning,
The massive turd that it was forming.
And the signs said, the shit of the councillor
Are smeared on the subway walls
And tenement halls.
And whisperd like the sound of shitting.

Samuel's Dry Cleaner said...

Hello Samuel, my old friend,
I'll clean your trousers once again,
Because your faeces is softly creeping,
A bar man in Brussels is still weeping,
But unfortunately for your trousers the stain,
Still remains
As does the sound of shitting.

Day and night I scrubbed alone
Rubbing away with a groan,
Suddenly my hands started to cramp,
But the trousers still smelt heavily of tramp
When my nose was stabbed by the stench of
Your trouser blight
It just wasn’t right
And I heard the sound of shitting

And then your naked form I saw
Releasing shit onto the floor
Your rectum just would not stop leaking,
And the smell would not stop reeking,
You stood there shitting with your balding hair
And not a care
About the sound of shitting.

Fool said i, you do not know
How to stop your steaming flow
Hear my words that I might teach you,
How to clean yourself of all this poo.
But my words like silent raindrops fell,
And echoed
In the wells of shitting

And many people bowed and prayed
To the fecal god you made.
And your rectum expelled without warning,
The massive turd that it was forming.
And the signs said, the shit of the councillor
Are smeared on the subway walls
And tenement halls.
And whispered like the sound of shitting.

Anonymous said...

it's not all bad for Samuel, some people seem to heavily support him

https://www.facebook.com/FletchForPM

SOCIAL



submit to reddit

Google+ Followers

YOU CHOOSE

2015 General Election alastair wilson alexandra swann amy atkinson anastasia beaumont bott Andrea Jenkyns andrew mitchell andrew pelling andrew thorpe-apps andy burnham andy coulson angela merkel Annesley Abercorn anti muslim anti-gay argentina assault austin mitchell back boris back boris 2012 backbencher ban banned barack obama barley mow-gate bath cf bbc ben howlett benefit cap benefits bnp bob crow bob lanzer boris boris island boris johnson boston boundary changes Brexit brighton british rail budget bullying callum crozier cameron brown campaigning cannabis cardiff catholic cchq cf cf east cf election cf london cf policy forum cf poll cf wales cfelection11 channel 4 channel five charlotte argyle child benefit china chris grayling chris heaton-harris chris huhne chris pain christine emmett christmas Christopher Harries clare hilley cllr stephen west CLWCF coalition conference conservative future conservative future chairman conservative party conservative party conference Conservative Way Forward conservative womens organisation conservativehome conservatives corby council councillors craig cox craig lawton crawley crimes criminal cross keys homes croydon cuts cyril smith daily express daily mail daily mirror dan hannan danielle fleet danny alexander darius laws dashtory data protection david cameron david davis david laws david miliband dean hyatt death death penalty debt defect deficit democracy democrats deputy chairman disabled dominic mcdonough donal blaney donald trump donations downing street drunk DWP east midlands eastleigh economy ed balls ed davey ed miliband ed vaizey edl education eimhear macfarlane einy shah election Ellie Vesey-Thompson Elliott Johnson energy england english defence league environment epsom and ewell cf equal rights eric joyce eric pickles essex eu eu referendum europe evening standard exeter expenses facebook falklands feltham and heston film food food banks foreign aid foreign policy fox news france francis maude free press free schools freedom friends of Israel fuel funding fundraising funeral funny gagged gareth shanks gavin barwell gavin cook gay gay marriage gaza GE2017 geoff brooking george galloway george osborne gerald vernon-jackson geroge galloway Gerry Adams gordon brown gossiptory grant shapps grant tucker greenpeace gregg barker growth guardian guido fawkes gulf war halloween hampshire tories harry aldridge harry cole hartlepool health care heathrow help for heroes henry smith hollande holmes_argyle home office homophobia homosexuality house of commons howard bloom hugh muir human rights iain dale iain duncan smith ids immigration india industry inflation international aid IRA iran iraq war islam israel italy jack buckby jack whalley jacob rees-mogg Jacob Wilkinson james cleverly james deighton james morton james wharton jasmine rahman jeremy browne jeremy hunt Joan Ryan jobs joe cooke john bercow John Ferrett john hayes john mccain john peck john prescott john pye john redwood johnathan levy josh geddes julian assange justine greening karl mccartney karl williamson Kavya Kaushik KCL Tories ken clarke ken livingstone knife crime labour labour party labour youth laura-rose saunders law and order leadership bid lee gilroy leeds legal len mcCluskey Leon French leveson lgbt lgbtory lgbtq in ukip liam byrne liam fox Liam Walker lib dem lib dem rebellion liberal democrats liberal youth liberty liberty league lincoln lincolnshire lincolnshire cf liverpool liza chantelle lobbying london london 2012 london cf london spin loony left lord oakeshott lords lords reform louise mensch louise powell louth louth & horncastle lynton crosby mahiki mahiki-gate mahyar tousi mail on sunday manchester margaret thatcher maria hutchings maria miller marijuana mark clarke mark hoban mark reckless martin shapland matt robinson matthew robinson matthew wilson mayor of london michael champion michael fabricant michael gove michael mates michael rock micheal heseltine middle east mike hancock milton spies mitt romney mo metcalf-fisher Morley & Outwood mugabe muheed jeeran muslim nabil najjar nadine dorries national union of students nationalisation nazi neil hamilton netenyahu nhs nick clegg nick de bois nick southworth nicolas clark nigel farage north east north korea north west northern ireland nottingham notts county council nus oliver cooper olly neville ollyshambles olympics OUCA oxford university paddy ashdown palestine parliament parliament street party patrick mercer patrick sullivan paul holmes pensions peter mandelson peter smallwood peterborough petition philip smith phillip smith phone hacking piers morgan plotting PMQs police police and crime commissioner policy political scrapbook poll pop charts portsmouth portsmouth south posh poster campaign president hollande prime minister priti patal private sector privatisation protest public sector putin quit R.I.P. racism racist railways re-shuffle rebekah brooks rebellion recession red ed red nose day reece warren referendum religion republican party reshuffle revolution rich people richard farnell richard holloway Richard Williams richmond cf rob comley rob manning robert manning robin hunter-clarke ross butcher royal mail rufford rupert murdoch russia sacked salford samantha hoy sanctions sarah harding sarah palin sarah-jane sewell saudi arabia sayeeda warsi schools scotland scottish independence scottish tories secret society sex sexism shane moore Silvio Berlusconi simon danczuk simon harley simon hughes sir george young sky news SNP social action socialism south east south east cf south-west cf south-west regional chairman Southampton spending stacey bott stephen canning stephen hoffman steve hilton stewart jackson stoke-on-trent strike surrey cf swansea cf syria tara hewitt tax tax cuts tax payers alliance tbg tbg tv teamjasmine telegraph terrorists the commentator the guardian the hoff the old lion the pope the queen the sun the times the wright stuff theblueguerilla theresa may thorpe-apps tim farron toby elliot tommy robinson tony blair tory tory bear tory chairman tory reform group trade union transport trolls tuc tuition fees twitter ucl uganda uk ukip ukip conference unemployment unions UNISON unite Universal Credit usa victoria ayling vince cable violence violent protest virgin trains wales war wedding welfare welsh conservatives west coast rail westminster whitehall william hague wind farms wirral cf woolwich work and pensions working class working man worsester cf wwe yazdan chowdhury ybf yougov young independence yvette cooper zac goldsmith zahid raja zanu pf zimbabwe zionist federation
Google+